so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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