I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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