Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You're like the curious george of whores
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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