You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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