that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
