11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
