My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize