I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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