Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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