I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
well you can't waste a boner
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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