I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
