I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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