I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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