...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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