i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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