if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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