Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
