just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
