new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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