Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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