I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
