Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize