I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize