Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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