Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
