Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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