He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
