Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
