he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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