Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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