she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
