I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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