This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
