It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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