we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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