I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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