you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
