You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Houston, we have a blender
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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