it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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