According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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