i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
