i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
