You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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