youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize