And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
