From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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