you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize