Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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