In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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