We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
