I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
