I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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