i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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