i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
