Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
