Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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