I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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