I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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