This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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