Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
